I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize