Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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