Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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