Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize