You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm at about main and main street
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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