i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
