haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It's never too late to be topless.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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