so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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