it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
