I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
