Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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