we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
