i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
