I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
