Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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