i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
