Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize