'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
