Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
