Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
