Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
