My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
