I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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