Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
