; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
this beer tastes like vomit already
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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