I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
