My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
