Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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