Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
