dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
