There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
