Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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