She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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