I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
