Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
