no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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