Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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