Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
