last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
