I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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