Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
