I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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