Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize