even my farts smell like vagina
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
