Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
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