somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize