i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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