there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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