I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
