Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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