Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
