Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
