I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
