I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
