If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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