I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
