My sheets look like a crime scene.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize