Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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