I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
