Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
