i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
