so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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