so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
