FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
