i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
