Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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