Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
