I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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