is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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