there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
we're so committed to being not committed
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