I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I got inside last night via doggy door
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
