she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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