I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
