That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
