If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
