thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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